So with all this running, I've overlooked the simple: to simply state, in terms of very concrete figures, what my goal is for this race. To qualify for the Olympic Trials, yes. But what does that mean? (So much for being simple. It means so much to me.)
But here's a quick breakdown of what I have floating in my head now, 6 days out from race day:
Pie-in-the-sky-I-can't-believe-I-feel-this-great-race: 2:44 (avg. pace of 6:16)
Olympic "B" Qualifying Standard: 2:46 (avg. pace of 6:20)
What I nee to run to be able to join a local group of women training for the Olympic Trials in the Marathon: 2:47 (avg pace of 6:22)
What I believe I'm capable of now, even on a slightly shitty day: 2:50 (avg pace of 6:29)
I'm chanting to myself in every waking moment: believe, believe, believe. And you know, it's rare for me but I do believe. I believe in me and all the work I've put toward this. And if not this time, then there will be another race. The joy is in this journey, after all, that's led me to a place where I am finally able to appreciate who I am as a person. I do not have to objectify myself in terms of one body type or another; nor do I have to apologize for this sport that is my love even when I don't run great races. (I have, after all, run them.)
It simply is-- and that is me. And in this me, at long last, I believe.
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